Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
