Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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