So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
