My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
