We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
