I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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