cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
