I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
