You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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