Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
