My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
