absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
