people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
