didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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