I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
