i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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