Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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