i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
