the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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