i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
