i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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