I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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