Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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