she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.