everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.