You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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