I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...