Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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