I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
