I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize