ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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