So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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