so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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