there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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