Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
