i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
