Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
