I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love you. Go after that dick
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The air taste purple.
Randomize
