we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
