You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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