I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
