five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
