oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
