This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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