Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
