Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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