I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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