apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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