Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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