could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
