you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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