i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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