fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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