trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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