its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
