Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
