my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
