as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
