I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
