The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
