two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
