whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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