Sry I called you an 8
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
