Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
