remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I supernannyed him into submission
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
