The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
