Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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