oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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