So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
