she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
